The Five Stages of Grief

When it comes to dealing with grief, many of us associate this chapter – or even chapters – in our lives with death, the loss of a loved one, parent or friend.

However, grief is not limited to a passing: many people can experience this deep sense of loss due to a relationship or marriage coming to an end, or due to a serious or terminal illness.

Some people have experienced grief due to the loss of a beloved pet, while others might have experienced grief triggered by the loss of a job opportunity, being fired or even moving away from a home due to financial or other reasons.

Despite these different triggers, one thing that remains the same with the experience of grief is the 5 stages, namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

In today’s blog, we will be looking at these 5 stages, as well as where to look for assistance when dealing with grief.

First, here’s a brief look at the definition of grief.

Understanding the definition of grief

In its most basic definition, grief is the reaction that a person experiences due to a loss. Often, this reaction can bring about feelings of irritability, deep sadness, and also physical symptoms such as the inability to sleep, a loss of appetite and potential weight loss.

As mentioned above, grief is not always related to the death of a loved one, but can also be brought on by certain events that make a person feel an intense loss.

However, it is important to bear in mind that grief is a natural reaction: it is not an emotion per se, but a response that is unique to the person suffering grief and their situation.

How each person experiences it differs, but the stages that they will move through will be the same – although not necessarily linear. In fact, some people might even not experience all five stages.

So, let’s take a look at these 5 steps, and what to expect during each one.

The 5 different stages and what they entail

Every journey through the grief process is unique – and it is important to not see it from moving from one stage to the next, but what the feelings related to each stage look like or are experienced. Also, the time spent in each stage differs – and you might spend more time in some than others.

So, how can these phases be described as? Here is a brief overview:

Denial

During the denial stage, the person grieving might continue as normal following the days after their loss. They might act as though someone they lost is coming back, or that a lost job or home is not lost at all.

Anger

Perhaps one stage that so many of us can associate with during grief, is one of anger: whether it is the unfairness of losing a loved one or unexpectedly having to deal with the loss of a pet that still had so many years of fun in the sun left. Anger might also be directed inwardly when a person blames themselves for not having spent more time with a passed loved one, or if they feel they are the reason for experiencing a loss related to material things.

Bargaining

Perhaps one of the most painful stages of grief, bargaining means when we feel the brunt of not being able to do anything about the grief we find ourselves in. We start to make deals with ourselves, and often also go over and over certain situations, and how we could have handled things differently.

Depression

During this stage, a person can experience intense pain and sadness. It can also last a long time, and is known for coming in waves of emotion.

Acceptance

During this stage, we begin to accept the loss that we experienced. Although the loss might still be felt, we learn to move forward, and treasure the good memories of a passed loved one, pet or a relationship.

Can you fast forward the grieving process?

For many people, going through grief can be excruciating. We might feel that we just want to shake off these feelings and be whole again, but the reality is: we need time to heal.

When you try to speed up the process of grieving, you might need to heal emotionally, and end up with so many emotional scars to deal with. Remember, during the grieving process, you need to take things easy and take care of yourself.

Who can assist with the grieving process?

It is important that during your grieving process, you remember that you have both non-professional and professional resources that can help you with this chapter of your life.

Your non-professional “network”, such as loved ones, close friends and even colleagues can help support you during this difficult time – and it is important that you feel like you can ask for help during this time. Whether it is for help with preparing family dinners, offering a space for a supportive chat or just being supported through work processes can help.

On the professional side, you can consider seeing a psychologist who will be able to guide you through strategies to help you cope with and manage your grief.

Through it all, remember: you are not alone, and your network is there to support you.

Final thought: don’t forget self-help when dealing with grief

Grief doesn’t have a timeframe set in stone, and it is important that as you are dealing with this chapter you practice self-help too.

From accepting your feelings and stopping feelings of guilt should you start blaming yourself for things that you didn’t do, to taking care of yourself and your family, it all adds up.

Most of all, it is important that if you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, to celebrate their life. Treasure those feelings of joy and always keep the love that you had close to your heart.